THE SKIN
Looks like an antenna.
I do not like it. It's too quiet.
I see only the vines.
Smells like a trap.
I bet there are Germans hidden there.
Damn it! A good place for an ambush.
This flight never ends...
Maybe it'd be better if we went home, Mark.
If the Germans knew that the leader of the Fifth Army was so close by...
Yes, I know there'd be spies.
Relax, Bob.
Italians are a great people...
...but they made a big mistake:
...they chose the wrong side.
Why did you do that?
We didn't know you.
Well, it doesn't matter...
...they're on the right side now.
Mark Clark and Fifth Army will be in Rome before Christmas.
- You can bet on it. - Betting is hazardous, General.
No one in all of history, conquered Rome from the south?
Bob - who is the Civilian?
Mom, mom!
Ciro!
Captain, there is something fishy here.
I hear a waltz.
- What are you talking about? - A waltz, you know, music...
A waltz!
Wait a minute!
Stop!
Captain, I want you to cross to the other side of the street.
Sergeant, take ten men and go up the stairs.
Follow me.
I want to know what's happening here!
Sergeant, take some men and go to the other side of the street.
And watch out for traps!
Incredible!
It could be a trap, Captain.
The slightest wrong move, blow their brains out.
Let's go!
The "vitamin A" has arrived.
Why "A"?
"A" as Americans!
Hey, you, come over here! Move!
- Me? - Yes! Come here!
- Where are the Germans? - Nicht Deutschland...
The Germans, where are they?
How should I know where the Germans are?
They must be in Rome by now. Why are you looking for Germans in Capri?
This may be true.
And the fascists, where they are?
Where are the fascistas? Come on, answer.
Fascists im Capri?
You're looking for fascists here?
There are ony anti-fascists here, can't you see?
He says that there aren't anymore, just anti-fascists.
Good, listen, tell him I want to know where the enemy is now!
Princess.
She's 100% anti-fascist.
A Princess, Colonel.
- Alright, what do I say to her?
- Long live the Americans! - Long live the Americans!
I think you should call the base, sir.
Oh, that's right!
And what should I tell them?
Well...
Say that we've taken Capri.
Eagle Control. Operation Peanuts accomplished.
Today, the Fifth Army and allied forces...
..were deployed in the Bay of Naples.
A step closer to our goal: the total liberation of Italy.
When will you be in Rome?
I do not make predictions.
But if the Germans resist...
They will regret it.
Write it.
I have a question for Captain Malaparte.
Captain Malaparte?
Go ahead, but remember, we're in their home.
Captain...
How do you justify your alliance with the Fifth Army with the fact that...
...20 years ago, you were allied with the fascist party?
I believe it was 20 years ago that Winston Churchill said:
"If I were Italian, I'd ally myself with the facist party''.
I was Italian.
I'd like to say that Captain Malaparte...
...spent a good portion of those years in fascist prisons.
- Any other questions? - Yes.
According to General Alexander, the British Army...
That's all, gentlemen. We'll meet again in Naples.
Take your photos, and do it quickly.
Enough. Now get out.
One moment, soldier.
Let me see.
The left profile.
Superb house, Malaparte.
My home is yours, General.
A little far from the front, unfortunately.
The front moves, my offer remains.
General Mark Clark, Princess Consuelo Caracciolo.
They say that in Naples your word is law.
- Do you know Naples, General? - No, madam. But I hope to know it.
This is the oldest city in Europe. Did you know?
What the princess is trying to say is that you should be patient...
...in regards to the surprises that Naples holds.
What a beautiful dog!
His name Febo.
Mine is named Palma. I found him in northern Africa.
I nearly ran over him with a jeep.
I found him in Russia. He had been injured by the Germans
Watch.
Be nice.
- You come back soon? - Hopefully, Vincenzo.
Good bye.
Take care of my luggage.
Be good, Febo!
Look how beautiful they are.
You are beautiful.
What do you want? It is too early.
Go home, handsome. Let's go.
To Poggioreale!
- Was there a massacre? - Where have you been?
There are massacres every day.
Typhus, starvation, infections...
Death has quite an imagination.
Death...
I'm here all week.
Rich or poor, the funeral is free.
Are we or are we not a democracy?
What, all week? That's bullshit.
You haven't been here for 15 days.
There are only three trucks in Naples for everybody...
...weeks are now 15 days long, maam.
You have no respect for the dead.
What's that? No respect for the dead?
Do you expect us to carry them on our backs?
We can't say a thing.
I told you, we only have three wagons.
Make them walk.
We've been looking at corpses for years, we can't do it anymore.
Make them walk to the cemetery.
Of course, on foot.
Let's go!
On foot. Let's keep going.
Hey, handsome, you have nothing to do here!
It's off limits.
This is a restricted area, you can't come in here.
Get out! Off limits!
What is off limits?
I don't know. Must be American slang.
Off limits...
This crap is always getting worse.
Look, there go the suits on the way to the bank.
So that's the one, huh?
Dear Don Eduardo!
Come in!
Hey, I hear that Italian women have spaghetti growing out of their pussy.
Only tomato sauce!
Come on, you want to taste some linguini?
Get in line, boys!
C'mon sweet, a kiss...
Ah, I understand. And how many are with you?
There are two, but they eat for six.
They're right here. Let me call her.
Rosaria!
- Where is Rosaria? - I'm coming!
I'm here.
Since you know how to speak English...
...tell them to leave in ten minutes.
Internal Affairs.
Come, Don Eduardo.
Listen! Ten minute closed!
We're going to tear this place apart!
Listen, behave yourselves...
...or we'll kick you out like we did with the Germans, alright?
And it's going to be in two days, not four.
Oh, mother, come here. I have something for you.
Shush girl!
I'll have something special for you later.
- How? - How much do you weigh?
The hat, take off the hat. How much is it?
Sixty five kilos, you see...
That's it? You said you ate for six.
My god, Mr. Eduardo, have a little patience!
Kommen Sie!
Look at those two. They eat for six.
- But this one hardly eats anything - Doesn't want to eat?
While the residents of Naples die of hunger, he refuses to eat.
Why are you refusing your pasta?
Stomach, nicht gut.
He does not like it.
Make a tagliatelle, I brought flour.
But how, when I don't know how to make tagliatelle?
Come here, look.
Look at how your friends are nice and plump...
...and you're a stick. Eat, you hear me?
Eat as if your life depended on it.
Eat, you're not in mourning.
Come on, hurry.
Get in line. Move it.
Spaghetti parlor, let's get a move on.
One after another!
Let's go, hurry, hurry!
Catch.
You can't eat without towel.
You have a bloodstain there.
Oh, there is a small spot?
So take that.
There are even spaghetti inside.
Perfect, don't be so demanding.
Put ​​to rest, Sgt.
Rest!
Boys, sadly I have to leave you.
I've recieved other orders.
Captain Palese will take charge of the company...
...and he wants to have a word with you.
Soldiers...
We are the first Italian Liberation Corps.
Soldiers of the new Italy.
We need to drive the Germans from Italian soil.
Take our flag from the mud where it fell...
...and draw an example to all Italians.
We will banish...
...the terrible shame that dominates the Italian people.
And prove that we are worthy of the great role that History has handed us.
You all understand?
You, come here.
Repeat what the captain said.
He says that... we have to prove...
...that we're worthy of the shame of ltaly.
I think they understood very well.
Return in line.
You are listening to the broadcast for the European Allied Forces.
That was Glenn Miller and his orchestra...
...transmitting directly from the Palladium in Hollywood, California, USA.
Worried about syphilis? Venereal diseases...
...can be more destructive than war.
Thanks to penicillin...
Hey Goldberg, did you hear that?
Glenn Miller is playing live 11,000 km from here...
How come you're not worried about getting syphilis?
Didn't you sleep with that Countess, Jimmy?
I already told you, Goldberg.
Alright, so tell me again.
But in detail.
You're going too fast.
So...
She gave you a blowjob?
Look...
In Europe, this is normal.
Get it through your head... European women are...
...different.
Listen, Goldberg.
Instead of jerking with your magazines...
....for three lousy bucks, you can have what you want.
Are you crazy?
All the niggers on this side of the Atlantic have already screwed those girls.
You forgot the movies that tell you what happens to your penis if you get gonorrhea?
This is better than going blind.
Where'd you hear that?
How many fingers?
You see, you're already blind.
Shit!
Captain Wren, Communications.
There are already two conferences back there, Captain.
No, not now.
Gentlemen, the good news first.
I've just talked with Alexander...
...and he agrees that the Eighth English Army...
...will cede to their ''American cousins'', as they like to call us...
...and Mark Clark's Fifth Army will be the first to enter Rome!
- Great! - Excellent!
Now, the bad news.
I don't believe a word of it.
Half of his army are fags, and the other half take us for idiots.
He's right in the middle of that. This could be a trick.
The Fifth Army was the first to land in Europe...
...and you can bet that no one...
...not even Churchill and his band of queers...
...prevent my Fifth Army from being the first to enter Rome!
It's a matter of principle!
Washington, sir. General Eisenhower. That's the third time.
Go on, gentlemen.
It must be important to make him get up so early in Washington.
We will know it right away.
Hello?
Yes, this is Mark.
How is Italy, sir? Italy is alright...
I do not understand.
Pardon?
Which senator's wife?
From Massachusetts?
Here?
For the love of God, we're at war here!
I do not have time to...
Ike... not even if it were Roosevelt's mother.
I'm very sorry sir.
You don't understand here...
Yes, Mr. President.
Please excuse me...
...but I have to insist.
I'm against this.
I understand your position, sir...
...and, under these circumstances, I'll do my best.
Mr. President, you can count on me.
A dirty trick, that's what it is.
To rob Mark Clark and his Fifth Army of their glory!
Massachusetts... That's Senator Wyatt, isn't it?
The senator that decieves people all the time!
You, what do you say?
Well, nothing. Unless his wife is Deborah Wyatt.
- Exactly. - Of course, an aviator.
She was the first one to cross the Pacific in 1939.
The first woman...
This means that it's a great publicity stunt!
They made her a colonel in the Air Force...
...who came up with this crazy idea...
...of supplying the population by plane...
...and it seems that the President is interested as well.
You, me, everyone knows what he wants.
Elections are next year...
...and President is interested in: winning votes.
- How's it going? - Very good.
- What are you doing tonight? - Sit, please...
- Good day. - Good day.
I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait, Captain.
Wasn't it you that was at the press conference in Capri?
Your home is beautiful.
- Go ask, go on. - Those two? Let's see.
Mr. Mazzullo.
- Wait.
- Sit down, please. - Alright.
- Sit? Good. - Wait, please.
- We gotta sit down. - Go ahead.
Who's turn is it now?
The representative of the Comittee for Civilian Necessities.
He takes care of the German prisoners.
- And then? - A meeting about the front.
Scheduled for six minutes, sir.
This representative, what's his name?
Eduardo Mezzullo.
Send them to me.
- Mr. Mezzullo... - Mazzullo, Mazzullo.
- They said Mr. Mezzullo... - Ma, ma, ma.
Mazzullo.
I understand you have a certain number of German prisoners.
273, Mr. General. There are 273...
That you captured when the Germans mounted a retreat...
Mounted a what?
He said that you caught those Germans when they were retreating.
No, Mr. General. They were imprisoned by the Italian people...
...when they fought in Naples.
There was a great uprising that lasted four days...
...with injuries and casualties...
All this pain, General, all this blood...
- I understand, Mr. Mezzullo... - Ma, ma...
Listen, I'd like to go directly to the point, if you wish.
You've been feeding and caring for those prisoners for weeks, right?
This is a heavy load...
...with inflation in food prices.
And, naturally, you have the right to...
...shall we say, recompense.
Explain, Captain.
You'll be compensated.
Yes, I understand.
The Fifth Army is ready to pay you...
...a just reward:
a thousand liras for every person...
It's very kind of you, General.
But it is not the price.
The price has changed now.
The price, we do it by weight.
What?
100 liras per kilo.
So a man who weighs 80kg would cost 8 thousand liras!
Ah, these days it's rare to find someone who weighs 80 kilos.
Captain Malaparte, tell him he's crazy.
The General is a serious man.
Who are you?
Listen to me, Mr. Trucmuche.
You have 24 hours to accept my offer.
After that, military police takes over.
And I guarantee that you'll be left without...
...all 270 or so prisoners.
It's 273!
Alright, we'll see. Let's go, Antonio.
He's a serious man, the one with the German prisoners.
I am, too.
My government does not mess with the Geneva Convention.
I'm going to take them by force.
It's not easy.
You can hide half of Italy in the caverns of Naples...
In that case, I'll have that man shot.
If you do that, you'll never see those prisoners...
Let me handle this.
And you, Captain? What's your role in all of this?
Me, sir? I'm here for the conference about the communication.
Ah, the communcation, just what we need.
Alright, Malaparte, lead this man.
You'll go with the Captain.
- But I... - What?
Nothing, sir.
Damn Italians.
I'm Jimmy Wren.
What are they talking about?
Well, you know, the price of human flesh...
...is below that for beef or pork.
A week ago, you could get a 20 year old girl for 10 dollars.
Now she'd be worth no more than $4.
With the bones!
The Sicilian girls have flooded the market.
They're older, so they cost less.
You know, we have a saying in Cleveland:
...head down, it's all the same.
All of 'em except your sister, huh Jimmy?
I don't have a sister.
Lovely, lovely American boy.
- Come with me. - No, thank you.
What a beautiful skin!
I can't, I'm on duty.
- What a beautiful face! - No, really.
If you don't want to then don't! Go eat shit, you idiot!
What a success!
Yes, great!
- We have something to see now. - Hey, it's five dollars!
Did you see what they did when they went by?
Come on, you have to see it to believe it.
They are blondes down there! What sort of Sicilians are they?
Jimmy, you think those soldiers feel like war heroes...
...when those women from Naples spread their legs for them?
Well, they probably feel the same thing I do.
Which is...
I do not know, I feel... seeing Europe.
Follow me.
- Where are we going? - To see Italy.
Hello.
- What's going on? - Nothing.
What do you mean, nothing? He's an American officer.
He is interested in Italian craftsmanship.
- Show him. - The Italian craftsmanship?
He's not interested...
Yes, yes.
- Are you interested? - Sure.
Do you like what we do?
Put on the wig.
- No, you go. - Not me.
- My god! - You'll see.
Not you! Where are you going? Stay here!?
What are you thinking about? Stay right here.
You're going to show off for that man.
Come on, you!
- What's going on? - Wait...
Oh god, you have to be patient.
Are you sure the boy came to look at Italian art?
Tell them I'm poor.
He's a poor man.
- A good man. - An artist.
But these days...
What is this?
What we did, it's wrong.
Explain it to him.
This is for your negroes, they like blondes.
In Naples, there are no blondes, then we invented it.
Blacks have their preferences, they must feel welcomed.
I want one!
Oh, you want one?
- Yes, how much is it? - Ten dollars.
He will not buy it!
- Nine dollars. - No, ten.
- This is too much! - The price of patience.
A lot of work. Hair by hair.
- Ten dollars. - This for you.
Jimmy, if the Americans had lost the war...
...do you think the women in New York would be that creative?
They don't have to be. In New York there are enough blondes for everybody.
- Shall we go? - Where?
Signore Eduardo has found us.
What's going on?
What are they doing?
Leave it alone, come.
- How did you get that tank? - Later.
- This is one of ours! - Later.
It's property of the army...
Perhaps signore Eduardo will explain everything.
Wait a moment.
I don't see why I should be interested.
A tank, what am I going to do with that?
- Want a cigarette? - No, thanks.
American. Oryginal.
I don't smoke, thank you.
- And you? - Yes, thank you.
The war is over, you know.
Ten tons of old iron.
Yes, ten tons of metal.
Metal, huh?
- And a gun. - A large cannon.
Yes, I know... but the cannon is just old metal.
What am I supposed to do with a cannon? The war is over.
- A transmittor radio... - A radio.
Did the General agree to this?
Does he know?
Do not worry.
I bet that this entire circus is to convince us to accept his conditions.
Why? Aren't you convinced?
Did you see what that idiot offered for a new Sherman tank?
I saw, I saw...
We had a sure thing!
Believe me, he isn't the only Italian in Naples...
...we'll find someone and get ten thousand...
Shit!
Sons of bitches!
We accept your conditions.
Very good.
I'm pleased.
Until tomorrow, we need the General's authorization.
Course.
But tell the General to hurry, because the price goes up every day.
Or even by the hour, these days.
He wants to raise the price...
But that's not fair!
He can't raise the price, we had an agreement!
- What is he saying? - He said okay.
This is good, it makes me happy.
Well done.
Bravo.
- So it's settled. - Yes.
It reminds me of a girl I knew in Atlanta.
Let's see.
You know, it has a name, this false pussy.
It's called a cover-con.
It was used in the eighteenth century.
Bullshit!
- You don't believe me? - No.
He doesn't believe me!
Goldberg is an expert in sex.
A real demon.
Stop!
Come on, let me go!
Calm yourself, or you'll see!
And here we go again.
What is this dish?
Coda alla vaccinara
Oxtail. A speciality from the south.
I think they gave me the part that was stuck to the donkey's ass.
Of course, it's not caviar.
Look, what are we putting in our stomachs?
The part the donkey used to clean its ass...
...served in a sauce with a texture like old motor oil...
...and all topped off with the waiter's stinking breath.
Colonel, I don't think we all agree.
It's wartime and, in Naples good ingredients aren't always easy to come across.
See? What did I say?
I'm not going to keep eating this stuff.
No offense, Captain.
No. I also have trouble swallowing.
I love the delicate fragrance...
...of the oxtail cooked with celery, nutmeg and white wine.
But it has a sweetish taste...
...a rubbery skin, slimy...
...sickening.
I took a good look at the plate...
...and what I saw wasn't a oxtail.
But the first rule of good manners is to never upset the appetite of the other diners.
So, I ate, thinking:
"My God...
...look at what this rationing has caused..."
First, a finger...
...then another, and finally, yes...
A whole hand.
Look!
In spite of my good manners, I wasn't able to eat the nails.
Let's go have some coffee.
That was good, how didd you do that?
It wasn't easy, I can assure you...
Three coffees.
Malaparte, you're great.
The way you arranged those bones...
...without anyone seeing.
And how'd you make the nails?
You think I was joking?
- Good God! - How awful...
Hey buddy... Do you have identification?
Easy soldier. This man is an officer of the Italian military.
What's the problem, Captain? Italian Army doesn't have uniforms?
Excuse me, but we're just doing our job..
They sent us a message over the radio to take him.
There must be some mistake!
- Hey, Jimmy! - Hi, Anna...
Come here.
You buy me a drink?
Yes. Please...
Easy!
Two whiskey.
I know those American snobs like the back of my hand.
And Deborah Wyatt doesn't like men like me...
...men who worked their way up...
And she likes Italians even less.
I'll do everything I can, but if she really doesn't like Italians...
But you're different.
You know the Pope and that idiot Picasso....
- Ice? - No.
And you can talk about Maxim's in Paris...
...and who painted the ceiling in the Sistine Chapel.
Those old Bostonians love that sort of thing...
...it excites them.
I've only met His Holiness twice, General.
I know, I know, I know...
But I was thinking...
I'd like to hold a banquet in her honor...
...in the style of the Renaissance, you know...
In some sort of old palazzo,
...with waiters... in wig and white gloves...
What do you say?
Not bad. We could get the Toledo Palace.
Great.
And then...
Yes, leave it to me.
Exactly! Keep her...
...far away from me.
I understand.
You're having fun with the dogs.
Splendid. Bravo, Maria.
Wonderful, huh?
Careful, that's a strong aphrodisiac.
You're scaring me!
Dear, I don't feel a thing.
Wait! That's the danger.
The effect kicks in when you least expect it.
You know, I'm discovering the US.
What surprising people.
They're clean and crystalline...
They believe that Christ is always on the side of the winner.
- May I say something? - Yes.
I'm starting to feel the effect.
Really?
Is it strong?
Yes, I can't take it anymore.
It's been so long, Curzio!
You're the only person that calls me Curzio.
Step back!
My god, that woman is crazy!
She's nothing but trouble!
Don't tell me she flew that plane all the way from Washington.
Sicily, but I don't doubt she'd manage it.
She had her wings before she sprouted tits.
I'm General Howes, representantive of General Clark.
Major Beckwith, General Clark's assistant.
The General would love to be here personally, maam, but duty calls.
At least someone's fighting the war.
This is Captain Malaparte, our liason with the Italians.
We'll see...
I hope to be useful to your mission, Colonel Wyatt.
General Clark has briefed me.
General Clark has directed Captain Malaparte to help you, Mrs. Wyatt.
Obviously, you'll have to cooperate with the population...
...and Malaparte will be very useful.
He has a fabulous villa in Capri.
So what do you do in peace time?
I was far too young to remember.
He was in Spain before that, and before that, Ethiopia.
You should have gone to the US.
Our Italians are pretty well off.
You're right, but there were already enough organ players.
- Are you making fun of me, Captain? - Not at all.
On the contrary, I admire your assurance.
You're everything we're not.
You think so?
Let me go.
I said leave me alone!
Get out!
Come on, let's go, come on!
Out, come on, let's go!
I'd like to help with your Moroccan troops, General, but I'm afraid I can't.
But, my dear General, this is an unprecedented shame!
Incredible, a scandal!
My Moroccans, how shall I say it?
Hypersexuall.
Yes, they were born that way. They'll stick it in anything...
...in a sunflower, to be precise.
A sunflower is enough for them.
The point is, General...
...that depriving my troops of penicillin is a crime.
Syphilis is destroying their...
...combat strength.
Yes, one penis after another.
General William.
Every month I recieve a limited supply of penicillin from the United States.
And what do you think my priority should be?
To save a sodomite who likes sunflowers...
..or a wounded American?
If you'll excuse me.
It's Coronel Eliot, sir. He says it's urgent.
Be quick about it, Coronel. We're at war.
What?
No, that's absurd!
Let's start over from the beginning.
Okay.
Right, first we want a creamy soup.
But our soup is creamy, like mud.
Tomato soup?
Yes, I think that's alright.
Remember to put a little chlorine.
I do not know... For his digestion, I think.
Anything else?
What do you mean no fresh fish in Naples?
Colonel, you don't have to remind me I prohibited fishing.
The Bay of Napoles is mined from here to Sicily.
But when Mark Clark gives that Renaissance dinner...
...there will be...
...fish cooked with mayonaise, understand?
How do you know?
Try the aquarium...
Fish cooked with mayonaise....
My god!
Do you think she'll like that?
I have no idea.
I expect Malaparte knows for sure...
Ten lire.
- Here. - Thank you.
A Renaissance banquet in the middle of the Second World War.
Thanks to my modest contribution, we should be able to avoid...
..those terrible meat rations and canned pineapple.
ldiot! What are you doing, Sergeant?
Excuse me, Captain, there was an emergency.
Corporal Prewitt had a regrettable case of Mussolini's revenge.
And it was sudden!
Right. Continue, Sergeant. But move!
Go, Kaminsky!
Stop, there are landmines!
My god, Prewitt!
Let me see.
- Are you a doctor? - No...
So hands off, dirty wop!
Find me something to cover it.
Why waste time on that, Captain? We have to get him to the hospital!
I have seen many cases like this.
If we move him, he'll die in agony.
If we make him comfortable...
...the pain will pass. He'll die in his sleep.
- Like a dog! - Silence, Sergeant!
Find a doctor, bring some morphine.
I'll take the responsibility.
Him? He's Italian!
That's an American soldier there, Captain!
Now listen, Sergeant!
That man is a Captain with more experience than either of us.
We're going to do what he says. You are under his command.
I'll take full responsibility!
We have to distract him, to do something so he doesn't realize he's dying.
There's only one thing we can do.
Listen to me, macaroni shit.
If you're wrong about this, if that doctor doesn't come...
I'll rip your guts out just like his, got that?
Well... Prewitt, you're lucky.
You're going home.
Just wet his lips.
You know, I always thought you were lucky but this was surprising.
The ambulance will be here in a few minutes.
A few days with pretty nurses bending over in front of you...
and then you're on a plane headed home.
Isn't that right, Kaminsky?
Keep talking.
Do you see this wop here?
He's stuck in this stinking country.
- Hey, goomah! - Chewing Gum.
- Pasta fazzoli - Yankee dollar.
Come on Prewitt.
Come on, cut that out.
You want to see this guy's imitation of Mussolini?
Come on, show him your Mussolini impersonation.
ltalian men...
ltalian women!
For twenty centuries...
Sorry, I can't.
What are you doing here?
Don't you know it's a minefield.
Go away!
Get that bitch out of here!
Can you get that Italian bitch out of here?
Get out bitch!
Enough!
You have come to fight the Germans or insult the Italians?
You're killing them!
They are here, Prewitt.
This was too serious.
Nothing can be done.
- Pasqualino! Pasqualino! - No!
- Her name? - Maria Concetta.
Before continuing with this simple meal...
I'd like to say, on behalf all of us.
Mrs. Wyatt! We have a great debt to repay you.
Your presence at this table, tonight...
...serves as a reminder that we must win this war as soon as possible...
...so we can go back to the women we love.
Mrs. Wyatt, it's a pleasure to have you with us.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
This place is magnificent. Who does it belong to?
The princess of Toledo.
Captain Malaparte knows all the princesses in Europe.
Isn't that right Captain?
Not all of them, thanks God.
But Captain, you must surely know Princess Carmela Esposito.
She was my best friend in college.
Esposito?
Princess Carmela Esposito.
Princess Carmela Esposito, Mrs. Wyatt, is an impostor.
What do you say?
Princess Esposito doesn't exist.
"Esposito'' is a name given to children...
...abandoned at hospices.
Sadly, there are more...
...''espositos'' in Naples than ever.
Well, all I know is...
...that my friend Princess Carmela Esposito lives in a palace in Rome.
Our State Department tells me that she was always an anti-fascist...
...and I plan on visiting her.
If she's an anti-fascist, I'd say that that's proof...
...that she's not a princess.
If what you're saying is true, Captain...
...then there were many other people in Cambridge who were greatly deceived....
...which doesn't reflect well on the Italian people.
In Philadelphia, our Italian community is among the best.
Very well, Captain, very well.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to bring your attention...
...to the next item on our menu.
Fish cooked in mayonaisse.
We owe Coronel Eliot our gratitude for this repast...
...and the good Colonel tells us that this dish...
...is called...
...Siren.
Do you know it, Captain?
Yes, I know it very well.
Siren, the mermaid of Naples.
Extremely rare.
But I've seen it several times...
- Where? - At the aquarium.
You can't be referring to Siren, the seductress in Homer's Odyssey.
Sadly, tis is nothing more than fish.
Mermaids don't exist.
My God!
It's a baby! A cooked baby!
We have to bury it!
Cover it up, cover it up.
I swear, it's an edible fish, General.
This is a fish.
A fish.
I assure you.
Regardless, what it is... Do something!
Well, in Philadelphia...
Gentlemen, sit down.
Please Mrs. Wyatt.
Now, the good lord knows what Mark Clark thinks of fish cooked in mayonaisse.
I don't like war either...
but...
...someone has to lead.
Serve it!
I knew it was a fish from the beginning!
This is all I could sting.
- Here. - Don't let anyone see, alright?
A package? That's all you got?
- Fuck. - That's absurd!
Let me go! Let me go!
Let me go! Bastard!
Jean-Louis!
My mother told me I'd find you in Capri.
So what are you doing in this city of disgrace?
It's my duty to come here for the revolution.
Ah, yes, I had forgotten about Count Marx.
And I had forgotten how deep your cynicism runs.
Come Jean Louis, you wouldn't be a student of Marx...
...if his blood wasn't much bluer than yours.
And where is it written that you have to be a proletariat in order to fight for justice?
You don't understand the youth of today you can't imagine how different they are.
You wouldn't recognize the world that will come out of this world.
The imperialists and their lackeys will be defeated.
Hey, Malaparte, Jimmy sends word that he can't come.
He was supposed to bring me a medic. Did something happen?
No, no. He won't be able to come.
Wait a sec.
- Hey bitch, how much do you charge? - Let go of me! Fuck.
That's what I'm asking about.
Fuck you!
- So what are you doing right now? - Nothing, nothing.
I need a doctor. Come with me.
I did not graduate!
If you don't say anything then I won't either, alright?
- Jimmy! - I thought you weren't coming.
I want to show you something.
I brought Pasqualino.
Hi, champ!
As you can see, the interior of Vesuvius isn't dormant.
And examining the seismographs, we can see that activity...
...has increased in recent weeks.
Does that always happen?
Absolutely not.
This is the first time I see this phenomenon.
The first time...
Maria, we...
Excuse me, one moment.
Maria! Where are you going? What about the picnic?
I told my father that we're going to see the nuns.
My father does not know I'm with you.
Wait, I'll take you there.
I'll take you.
No, we're going to take the tram.
When will we meet up?
In two days. In the same place as always.
Will you think about me?
I'd love to show you the youth of today.
You can't imagine how different they are...
...they're better, they have revolution in their blood.
If only Trotsky and Lenin had known that.
Trotsky was a filthy traitor.
Ah, Jean-Louis...
Imagine what your mother would say
if she heard you talk that way about someone you never met...
...and someone who has passed away at that.
Mouth.
Sir, I want to go to Munich.
What for? There's food here.
Doctor, my head hurts. Do you have something?
I have nothing, sorry.
Geneva Convention. Prisoner.
The gentlemen will say that...
...they're in good health.
He cites the Geneva Convention.
He's got no case at all. That idiot refuses to eat.
He's skin and bones. I lost money on this one.
But the price of the others went up by 200 liras, right?
Mr. Eduardo, it's going to be hard to win the war this way.
Win or lose, I refuse to be trampled on.
No, that's not an option. Am I clear?
No and re-no.
They're too fat, too ugly! Too German.
On top of that, they're too expensive! Am I making myself clear
Alright, I understand. There's no need to shout.
Fat is always useful.
We'll make soap out of them. Come, let's go.
They're going to turn these prisoners into soap.
That's their problem.
Look at this: "Queen of the Skies".
Queen of publicity, that's what she is...
What do you say?
Well, she's photogenic.
What did you say? That they'll make soap out of them?
There's a shortage.
Soap is worth more than 200 liras a kilo.
And the Neapolitans really need it.
You must be joking.
No, General.
It isn't hard to find you.
Is it true what the newspapers say? That you never drive a car?
I never have to.
I was thinking of helping you...
...with communcations.
Well, that should be fine.
Now to test it.
Want to come with me?
Yes, yes. With pleasure...
What was the problem?
Nearly nothing at all. Just old, I think.
The damned motor was stuck together...
...with wire when I got here.
But it's been fixed.
Try it.
Enough, enough!
Did General Clark send you to be my latin lover?
Enough!
Answer me.
Yes, yes, enough!
Forgive me, I was cruel, forgive me...
Everyone is cruel sometimes.
Hey kid, come here. Let's go have some fun.
Two, two!
This is not possible...
Five dollars, yes. Five.
Hands off!
Dirty pig!
Depraved animal!
How can they do it?
My god, how can they sell their own children?
They're hungry.
It's better to sell them than to eat them.
You are degenerate.
All of Naples is degenerate!
Why did you bring me here? So I can feel as degenerate as you?
We didn't start this war.
We don't sell our bodies for a pack of cigarettes.
A pack of cigarettes?
Maam, what will you give me for that?
Two loafs of bread.
For a pack of cigarettes.
Enough to feed a family.
Would you like some maam?
Here.
I brought you here because...
Because everyone can be cruel.
Are we even now?
Yes
- Did I do something wrong? - No, no.
It's not my fault if things didn't go well for you today.
What's wrong with you, Jimmy?
Here.
What is this?
Try it.
Here, like this.
Are you crazy? I already have hair.
Did you bring this filthy thing from the US?
No, not at all. It's from Naples.
- From Naples? - Yes, yes.
Every last hair.
Who gave you this?
Where'd you get that?
Where have you been hanging out? Tell me who gave you this.
Jimmy, come here. Come here.
Please! One moment.
Excuse me...
- I'm looking for Maria Concetta. - What is it you want?
She has a brother...
Pasqualino.
There are thousands of Maria Concettas and Pasqualinos around here.
Wait, maybe he's talking about the virgin.
- Oh, the virgin? - Yes.
Her father doesn't know.
Ah, her father doesn't know.
Joe, I'll drive you. Do not worry.
- Hey, where you going? - Earning a little...
- Look, ma'am. - Ah, thank you.
Wait here.
Go straight.
Good night!
Come.
- This guy said you were... - What?
Nothing.
Jimmy, you can't come here.
Never.
My father, the war...
He's sick.
I brought this for him.
- This is good, huh? - Yes.
But put it away, I can't take it.
My father musn't know.
I have to go. I need to drop it off.
I have just arrived! Wait a minute.
I would.
I am very happy.
But I must go.
Wait!
What a lovely butt. So firm.
It's marvellous.
You're a real treasure.
My little treasure!
Come, yes, like that. Very good.
Well, normally I start with the cellar.
Why don't we go directly to the bedroom?
Did you forget? I already confessed...
Right, we're even.
This way, please.
- This is a marvellous home, Captain! - Thank you.
Did you buy it or have it built?
I bought it...
...though I designed the landscape.
I congratulate you.
The lady's bath is ready.
Will she take it alone?
What did she say?
Well, she wants to know if you're taking your bath alone.
Forgive Maria.
Sometimes she simplifies things a bit too much.
It must be difficult to handle so many baths for couples.
No, thank you.
I think I'll be able to maintain control...
...for at least the next five minutes.
The lady will take a bath in five minutes...
...and by herself.
It's from Jean Louis.
- Urgent! - Right.
Don't tell me, it's an invitation to organize an orgy.
You're partially right.
What part? An orgy, organize or invited?
The third.
It's a party exclusively for me. I know you understand me...
I can look like a man. What do you think?
How is Maria Concetta?
- She escaped. - Then you didn't get anything, is that it?
Yes, and you're going blind.
- You're even wearing glasses. - Well, the doctor says...
It's just that my eyes are exhausted.
Are you worried about syphilis?
So we don't want to hear about that, is that right?
I'm not the one who has to worry about that.
Good!
Very good!
So why are you scratching?
Here we go. Finally, I think.
Quiet!
I was waiting for you. Everything alright?
Clear the way!
Look, here. Okay?
No! She suffers!
It was hot!
Calm down.
It will pass.
This is good, everything is ready.
- It's too hot!
Ice, I want ice.
Give me a bit of ice.
I do not understand.
No, not coffee!
He wants ice. Can not!
I hope it's a girl.
Relax!
Calm down! Calm down!
Stop screaming, you'll waste your strength.
Push, come on!
It's a boy!
Look how pretty he is. It's a boy!
Here it is, the macarroni. Let's go, let's go!
Febo! Febo!
I apologize for...
...I've never been there.
You knew I'd be here.
Are we even?
- Come with me to Capri. - No.
I believe in my marriage.
Even if...
And Febo and Pal? Did you find the dogs?
Not Febo.
This is my fault.
You are honest, Captain.
No more than you are, Mrs. Wyatt.
What is this...
"Net weight in the morning''?
I insisted on that, sir.
Scientifically... the morning is when the human body weighs the least.
And ''net'' means they'll be weighed nude...
...and after having gone through...
...their morning routine.
I understand.
- Mr. Eduardo. - General.
This little transaction will cost the American taxpayers...
...50 thousand dollars in exchange...
...for 20 tons of enemy flesh.
He will not pay?
He doesn't think this price is democratic.
Not a word to the press, huh.
No democratic?
Officers and soldiers at the same price.
The same price...
Yes, yes, I understand, I understand.
The staff also then?
How much would Hitler be?
Very funny.
Tell him that with the Fifth army walking towards Rome...
...the price is falling ever day.
It's the Fifth Army fault the price is falling.
That's amusing!
Sir, the photographers. They're waiting outside.
Let them in.
- Is he signing? - Yes.
Gentlemen, Mr. Eduardo...
A picture together.
- Over here. - With pleasure.
- Still looking for Febo? - Yes.
- And "Operation Aircraftwoman"? - Tonight or never.
Well, we're ready. Major Beckwith?
Antonio, come and take a picture.
The poor thing's an orphan.
Nothing can replace a mother.
Smile for the camera.
Come here!
It was dark, but I think it was here.
Hey, beautiful blonde!
Why don't you take one of these?
You're all too tall, Jimmy.
This is the perfect size.
You should shrink a bit, right?
Do you ever take anything seriously?
Sometimes...
No, you're like all the other Italians.
- Are you going to help me or not? - No.
- What's going on ladies? - How are you?
- Are you free today? - A kiss.
Come here.
This is the place.
Wait here. I'm going to go get the old man.
Jimmy, don't go.
I thought you were my friend.
Sorry to have bothered you.
Jimmy!
Hey!
Are you okay?
Where is Maria Concetta?
- We'll play later. - Do not go!
Relax Captain. Get in line like everybody else...
- What are you waiting for? - The virgin of Naples, isn't it?
Virgin, my ass!
I hear she even does it with horses.
- How was it? - Save your money.
I'd stick it anywhere if I could just find a hole.
The cats everywhere, and you wank?
Confucius says: ''Pussy everyday gets old''.
A dollar!
A dollar each, a dollar...
Relax...
I understood.
You want to screw her?
Not possible.
You want to be with her?
Not possible either.
Because I'm her father, okay?
- Understand? - Yes
You want to fuck?
No. This is not possible.
I'm her father.
Gentlemen. Gentlemen...
The Virgin of Naples!
She is really a virgin.
Put ​​it so the finger.
Do not be afraid, she bites it.
True, she is a virgin.
Stick your finger in.
Touch!
Just a finger, eh?
Cutting in line, Captain?
Here!
Satisfied?
What did you do? Are you crazy?
Looks like he ruined your business...
You, shut up!
Son of a bitch! You knew the whole time!
All of you, you're all a bunch of idiots!
Wait! Jimmy, we've lost the war.
Women and children will suffer more than anyone.
You're pigs! A country full of pigs!
- And what about you? - Shut your mouth!
You thought you could buy everything with chocolate and cigarettes!
I loved her.
You loved her? So what's stopping you?
You're a pig! A pig from Cleveland!
I wanted to marry her!
Isn't that her man?
Always there when I need you...
I won't forget the chastity belt, Cliffton.
Do not worry.
At least I haven't forgotten to wear it until now.
VDs can be more destructive... ?
...than war. But thanks to penicillin...
Captain?
You're one hour early.
At the hospital?
Yes, I'm coming.
- Could I make a phone call? - Yes.
I'm sorry I kept you waiting.
No, no, I arrived early.
- Are you alright? - Well...
I'm sorry.
Don't worry, maybe there's still time, let's go...
Febo!
I'm sorry that you find yourself here.
We're conducting a study on extreme wounds.
We needed test subjects.
To learn how to treat battle wounds.
These were stray dogs. They would have been killed anyway.
It's not allowed, but I'll put it to sleep.
It's a sweet, painless sleep.
Why this dreadful silence?
We removed the vocal cords.
Don't worry, Mrs. Wyatt, nothing is gonna fall from the ceiling.
We eat here every day.
It is an honor to have a young and beautiful American with s.
The U.S. Army has the same stimulating aroma...
...as a summer rain in the woods.
Maybe it's the woods still in you.
It's the way the wind blows, I'm sure.
It's the only occupation army in the history of Naples...
...that had the courtesy of knocking on our doors before coming in.
Judging by the ruins I saw...
...I think we knocked too strongly.
My dear...
..it is an insignificant detail.
If one has to lose a war, Mrs Wyatt...
...it is better to be conquered by an army...
...that has good manners.
Believe me.
The Duchess of Amalfi is still recovering...
..from the Barbarian's raid into Imperial Rome.
I'm not old enough to...
...remember that event.
But believe me:
...the poor and the noble...
...lose every war since then...
...regardless of flag...
And women...
Women have no flag.
The real Italian flag does not show three colors...
...but the male organ.
Moral, Honor, Family...
...the cult of religion, are there...
...in between the legs.
- My God! - I disagree...
This is a little excessive.
There's only one flag...
This one.
But that is from Savoia!
Listen.
American plane.
German, I'm afraid.
And why the US don't fight back?
At this time, they were already asleep.
But they get up at dawn.
I heard another noise before.
Listen.
- There's people at the stairs. - Let them in.
Well, Highness.
Easy. Slow.
Easy.
Please, come in.
She was taken by God.
Let's go out.
Nunziatina, Carmela, stay here.
Come here, approach.
My daughter, what they do to you?
Awake!
Let's go into the other room.
No, I'd rather stay.
Brush her hair.
The brush. Please.
Carmela, take the dress off.
Let's hear the news. Turn on the radio.
The Duchess is calling.
Please, follow me. We are being summoned.
Here is the Armed Forces radio...
We interrupt our program for an important report.
Mount Vesuvius' sismograph has registered...
...a sudden increase in activity...
...state of emergency is declared.
All commanding officers must report to their bases...
Tonight, when...
...I saw these people...
I have a confession to make.
It isn't easy.
Another time?
Do not be afraid, you are in Italy.
Confession was born in this country.
I haven't been honest, Captain.
I wasn't honest.
I'm not here to help the civilian population.
Not.
I'm here to help Senator Wyatt...
For the election of the President of the United States.
For the Women's Army Corps.
No, that's a lie too.
I'm here for myself.
For me and me alone.
What I want?
I don't know.
My picture in the paper, maybe.
"The first American in Rome."
Enough.
Malaparte, take me to Capri.
You're laughing at me!
I can't believe it, you're laughing at me!
No, no, I'm laughing at myself.
It's incredible.
The destruction, hunger, violence...
All that for a photo in the papers.
You ignorant son of a bitch!
I hate your attitude.
You latin snob! Know-it-all!
All of you!
Pervert! Pig! Filth!
Brilliantine in your hair...
...like a gigolo!
Hoodlum!
And you're laughing at me?
So listen...
You can stick your flag right between your legs, in your ass!
Get out, get out!
One catastrophe after another.
What a disgrace...
Get out!
Get out there!
Listen, if you take me to the airport, I'll pay.
Stop! Stop!
- I'll give you $50 to take me to the airport. - Get in.
Good heavens!
What's happening?
This is Vesuvius.
This is dangerous, you have to go.
Where to? This is my home!
No, it is dangerous! You have to leave!
Jimmy! Come back!
Do you hear me, Colonel?
All men of the Fifth Army must leave.
Shaved and in full uniform.
Helping the civilians...
Avoiding panic, putting out fires...
I want them to swallow lava, if need be.
And I want it all documented! Did you hear me?
Films, photos, radio, the whole operation!
You may leave!
This damn thing there, Vesuvius
They said it hadn't had an eruption in 50 years.
This is a historic day.
Right, Bob...
Here, in San Sebastiano... At the foot of the volcano.
All vehicles on duty now!
What are the orders?
All land and air crews at work in civilian rescue!
Aren't you afraid?
Fear?
The only thing that makes me afraid, is human stupidity.
Yes, because, unlike everything in the world...
...is endless.
How men can be idiots.
Is this the end of the world? What is happening?
Do not worry, it's nothing.
Oh my God! It's horrible!
It's hell breaking loose!
- I'll close that door. - Close it!
Vesuvius is an idiot.
Not Vesuvius.
You're the idiot for saying that.
- Turn on the light. - Yeah, better.
Don't blaspheme.
Vesuvius is God.
Do not forget.!
And God wanted that we, despite it all, ate a plate of spaghetti.
- Come with me... - Yes.
Stop, stop here.
Hey, have you seen Mrs. Wyatt?
They're all in rescue duty!
Hey, handsome!
Come here.
Come on, I expected one like you.
Come, let's make love.
Flight #3, Flight #3...
I'm having trouble. I'll land.
Come on, move your ass!
Get in the truck, quick!
Easy, easy, there's space for everybody!
Calm down!
Women and children first!
More trucks will arrive.
To the left, left!
They're not animals!
You are American?
- Do your job, Sergeant. - You better get in.
I'll wait for the next.
There are no more trucks, coming back anytime soon.
This is not what you told them!
Do as you wish.
We're leaving!
Hey, stop! Stop!
Stop, a country girl!
- Hello, gorgeous, wanna ride with us?
- A blonde! - Lets have a look!
This is a real blonde?
Are you blonde all over?
Not bad!
Not bad at all.
Cigarette?
This is a real blonde!
Chocolate, cigarettes?
Ask her if she wants some candy to suck on.
How about 8 inches of sugar cane?
I'll take care of that. What's your name?
Why don't you speak? Lost your tongue.
Hey, Bob!
Wait, stop!
- Calm down! - Bitch, you asked for it...
She is mine!
Respect the hierarchy!
I am the commander.
It's over!
- Jimmy! - Goldberg!
- I was worried about you. - I couldn't find you!
I missed the jeep, so...
...I got laid!
It was fantastic, Jimmy...
This is Zelmira, a goddess!
And this this...
...Maria Concetta.
Do you remember?
Bring the gurney here.
She needs a transfusion. Take her to the ambulance right away.
Doctor, come here, please.
She's hurt. Do something for her.
I've already examined her. She's just lightly hurt.
She's in shock. Excuse me.
Deborah.
Can you walk?
I want out of here.
I know.
I want to go home.
I understand.
Are we even now?
Yes, absolutely.
I don't want this here. Take it to the road.
1st Platoon, up! Everybody in the truck!
Hey you, what are you doing? The picnic is over!
Raise your ass.
Hurry! Are you asleep?
Move, you are the 5th Army!
Move!
Stand up guys, we're going!
Come, this is a page of history. America is watching.
You can tell it to your grandchildren.
Come on, you guys also.
Get up!
Stand up!
Let's go, it's just a short trip to Rome.
Sergeant, get your squad.
- Captain! - General.
Captain, it seems we've made it without the queen of the skies.
- What happened? - She went back to the USA.
Malaparte, you're a genius.
- Is this my transport, Colonel? - Yes.
Cap. Malaparte, there's your jeep.
You too, Cap. Wren.
And you, General, there's your jeep.
Well, Sir, that's it.
Good job, Colonel.
General, I'd like to shake your hand.
Sic iter ad astra .
- What? - "That's the way to the stars".
Well, let's go. Tempus fugit!
Forward!
This is history in the making.
This is Rome, right?
Yes, Rome.
I thought it was a city.
Father... some of these ruins are well over 2000 years old?
Yes, but in Philly we have the Liberty Bell.
Malaparte, tomorrow I'll see the Pope.
Tell me, what's his favorite sport?
I do not know.
But maybe he plays baseball.
Very funny!
Cameras, move forward!
You know, there's something sad about victory.
Each goes his own way...
...and nobody knows when we'll meet again.
Sometimes, when they do know, they hide.
Not us, I hope.
Let's set a date to meet...
...after the war in Capri.
I love Capri.
You know, it's all set between Maria Concetta and I.
She goes to Cleveland with me.
But first we go to Capri.
You don't believe me, do you?
- I believe you, Jimmy. - No, you don't believe me.
You'll see, I will marry her.
I'm serious.
- Malaparte!
- What are those monuments over there? - Tombs.
Tombs of ancient Rome nobility.
Whose?
General Sulla.
Cicero. And there, Julius Caesar.
Ah, Julius Caesar.
And this one?
General, that's the prostitutes HQ...
Bob, don't tell that to the press.
Idiot Germans!
Son of a bitch!
- Hey, Malaparte, what is going on? - She thinks we're Germans.
Tell her we're Americans.
- Americani! Americani! - Anita, Americans!
Hey, easy, lady.
What about this sign?
Bob, that Rome sign, I'd like to keep it for my collection.
Horray for the Americans!
Marco, look! It's the Americans.
Look, they shoot us!
Marco, the Americans. Our liberators!
They throw us chocolate!
Take the civilians away!
Take them away!
No civilians, no civilians!
Move back!
Stop!
Stop, stop! Don't shoot!
5th Army Cameras!
Turn that... thing.
This.
General, there was a small accident but we'll go on.
Continue.
We better go now.
I'm sorry about that.
I'm sorry, we better leave.
The ambulance is on its way.
You can go, Jimmy.
You are the winners.
Thanks to the Authority of Vesuvian Villas in Naples...
...for their invaluable help.
Also thank you to residents of Naples...
...for their collaboration in this work...
...made in respect and solidarity...
...with city so rich in history and culture.